A Rough Night for Some Guy

So, I went out a little before 8am this morning for my weekly trip to the grocery store.  I got down the steps and found this guy passed out in the vestibule between our apartment building's two doors.

I opened the inner door and called out, "hey, hey man!" and "can I get past you?" and stuff, but he didn't stir, not a twitch.  I managed to hop down and around his outstretched leg and out to the sidewalk.  The vestibule reeked of stale cigarette smoke.

While getting around him I saw clutched in one hand was a glass pipe with scorch marks at one end, probably a crack pipe (or some other kind of drug, I'm not expert).

When I got back fifteen minutes later he was sitting up.  I asked if I could slip past him and into the inner door and he shifted a bit to give me some more space.   He said a few things, but his voice was rough and raw and slurred, so I wasn't able to figure it out.

I sent a message to our building superintendent, including the above photo and his reply was "Omg".

A couple of hours later I had to make another trip out, and I got down the steps to find him propping himself up.  

Again on my way out I asked if I could get by him, and he didn't respond in any way I could detect, no movement, no words, nothing.  I managed to get by him and go out to take care of my errands.

On returning another neighbor was just exiting the building to take his dog for a walk.  We discussed the passed out guy, and the neighbor snapped a photo from the outside and sent it to the superintendent, then left to walk his dog around the neighborhood.

I got upstairs and thought maybe if the guy is dehydrated some water might help him feel better and get a move on.  Maybe he'd just had a rough night of overindulging and wasn't able to get home.  So I filled up a large metal mug with fresh, cool water from the tap (my wife and I only drink tap water, we don't keep bottled water around).  

When I got downstairs with the cup of water the guy appeared to have a hand inside his shorts and was moving it about, masturbating...

As soon as I opened the door he stopped.  I offered him the cup of water and he didn't react, didn't turn, didn't say anything, didn't move, nothing, like he was as passed out as he'd been earlier.

I made the offer about a dozen times, "hey, man, I brought you some water," and "I have a cup of water if you'd like," and so forth.  I tapped the cup against the tile walls a few times to see if I could make some noise to wake up, but no luck.

Going back inside, and being sure to close the inner door, I saw his hand get back to work inside his shorts, doing what he'd been doing before.  That just pissed me off, he wasn't passed out, he was ignoring me and I was trying to do the decent thing by offering him some water.

Fuck 'im...

I went back upstairs and dumped the water down the sink and messaged the building superintendent again.  Then got back to what I was doing on the computer...

Sexual Inadequacy: Out of shape and overweight...

I’m feeling totally inadequate right this morning…  Last night, around 1am, we got woken up by a woman in a nearby apartment screaming in total ecstasy for about forty-five minutes…  It was almost constant “Oh yes!  Fuck Yes!  Oh Fuck, Oh Fuck, Yes, Yes!  Fuck Me Hard, Hard, Fuck Me! Fuck Me!” with a minute or two of wordless moaning here and there before building up into pleasurable screams again. There was the occasional grunting of a guy’s voice, a bit more towards the end as he was probably climaxing, then the two of them mumbling together for a bit…

Leena hates hearing it, saying that women having sex is a turn-off for her.  I’m sort of the opposite, I like it, like hearing a “live performance” and get totally turned on by it.  Granted, this woman isn’t as good as a former neighbor who lived across the hall, who didn’t last as long, but just sounded a bit “sweeter” and sexier...

Leena was nearly asleep a while after that, but I was totally awake, thinking solely about sex, of course.  I’d wanted us to make out earlier in the morning, but she wasn’t feeling too well, bad acid reflux, so we didn’t go beyond cuddling till she wanted to get up (despite her clear invitation for morning action the night before, before she could’ve anticipated that she’d not be feeling well in the morning…).

Not able to sleep, I joined her in her part of the bed and things went okay while I went down on her.  But then when it was time for the condom, I lost it…  Then after that, once my own member was lubricated from unrolling the condom on it as I was losing it, her messaging me made me lose control and come before I could get another rubber out…  A disappointing, though not unpleasurable end, but nowhere near as good as it could’ve been.

This sort of thing happens regularly and Leena is usually comforting and reassuring that I’m ok, but after hearing quite a performance from nearby, it just left me feeling pretty bad in the sexual department (especially after managing a condom twice last weekend and hoping for a repeat…).

Now it’s later in the morning and that neighbor has had two more sessions of the same thing, although each seems to be about ten minutes shorter than the last.  But still, I’m just thinking about how great in bed her guy must be.  And at this point in life, it’s unlikely I’ll ever be such a stud…

Rarely have I felt more like what I am turning into, an overweight, out-of-shape, middle-aged guy with erectile trouble.

A Complaint Letter to Church & Dwight Co.

I'm sending the following letter to Church & Dwight Consumer Relations department about a product we recently purchased from them.  It's a disposable product, and the same brand and style we've used for nearly a decade.

The newest package we purchased feels and performs quite differently, in a bad way, from previous packages.

I'll post an update if I hear back from them.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --


Church & Dwight Consumer Relations
469 North Harrison Street
Princeton, NJ 08543


September 26, 2012


Dear Consumer Relations,

My wife and I recently bought this box of Trojan Ultra Thin condoms and we're not happy with them at all.  We've been using the Trojan Ultra Thin condoms for a number of years so far, with a previous, smaller box, purchased in July 2012.

The condoms in this new box, purchased From Target early in September are different and harder to use.  They have an expiration date of May 2017.

The wrapper on each one seems to be different.  Instead of the paper and foil combination, now they feel more like plastic and I have to struggle more to open them.  Each time when I try, a small corner tears off, but not enough to get the condom out, forcing me to struggle a little more, at, let's be honest here, an inconvenient time…

Once the wrapper is off, the condoms in the new box simply don't unroll smoothy only my erection.  It takes far more effort to get them unrolled and most of the time I simply can't get one unrolled to completely cover my erection.  The rolled edges of them are far, far thinner than with ones from previous boxes we used, like they're rolled much more densely or something.

We've not successfully had intercourse using any condoms from the new box due to the difficulty in using them.

I am enclosing the bottom flap of the box as instructed.


Sincerely,


Kevin Rubin

Sex Life Improvements in New York City

One of the reasons I was getting homesick in India was because our sex life was, well, very dull...  Both of us were sick much of the time, going from one throat infection to a stomach ailment to a sinus infection, to the flu and so forth, and there was very little overlap when both of us were between illnesses.

In between those, there was a lot more pressure to overeat at most meals, and neither of us was exercising at all.  I was afraid to step out the door because of the traffic, heat, pollution, noise and general chaos of Indian streets made me horribly uncomfortable and relieved to spend most of my free time inside reading books or playing on the computer.

Unfortunately, all that really ruined our sex life, neither of us was "in the mood" at the same times, and when we were, I was so out of shape that my "performance" left a lot to be desired, not really satisfying either one of us.

But now that I've been in New York City nearly two years, eating somewhat better (I mean, no dietician is going to cheer over my diet, but it's not as bad as in India where Leena and her mother really pressured me to overeat continuously with oily, rich, fried Indian foods (I mean, don't get me wrong, most of it was delicious!)) and walking heavily on the weekends, I'm in better shape.  When Leena arrived a month and a half ago she commented on how I've lost a lot of weight.  She's also bee joining me in walking hard on the weekends and is overeating less here.

With both of us in less bad shape than we were in India, and healthier, our sex life is getting a lot better!

Some of what helps is we get to be more romantic on a day-to-day basis, holding hands while walking, and unlike India, where any time we move near a window there's someone down below looking up, drivers, watchmen, laborers walking by, here we can walk around the apartment in various states of undress without worrying about an audience staring at us.

Another big help is the smaller apartment, making us bump into each other quite a bit more...  In India we lived in a 3 bedroom flat, each with our own bedroom (she said my panic about being late every morning kept her from sleeping), and it was up to me to make visits in the mornings when I was in the mood (which sometimes didn't last in a chilly walk across the flat).  Now we have a single, tiny bedroom so we're sleeping next to each other, finally.

And having inspiring neighbors doesn't hurt, either...

So, yeah, life is better in New York City!

Neighbors Having Loud Sex

So is there some kind of etiquette for when your neighbors are loudly having sex?  And you're not?  Turn on the lights and let them know you're there?  Clap (like teenagers in the college dormitory)?  Mimic?  Or just keep quiet?

Not long ago a young couple moved in across the hall, let's call them Marisa and Nolan, to protect the horny.  While our doors are on opposite sides of the stairway landing, our bedroom windows face each other, about five or six feet apart.

Neither of us has an air conditioner window unit in the bedroom and both of us normally keep our bedroom windows open for ventilation.  While they've covered their window with a sheet to block the view, mine has a vertical blind the previous tenant left there, but they'd cut off the bottom half for an air conditioner that they took with them.

Marisa and Nolan frequently get home in the evenings at some point after I go to bed (usually in the 9pm time frame, but I have a lot of trouble falling asleep).  They come back and after banging up the stairs and slamming their apartment door (not unusual, almost everyone in the building except me does that) they turn on the light in the bedroom and if I'm not very deep asleep, that usually brings me further up in consciousness...

Then many nights I hear the obvious sounds of clothing being removed, with unbuckling a belt the most prominent specific sound and the light only flickered on quickly, sometimes long enough to light a candle, judging by the flickering (like I said, the previous tenant cut off half the blinds...).  Sometimes Marisa telling Nolan in a sing-song, "I'm waiting for you..."  It might be followed by kissing, might not...

Then within a few minutes Marisa starts yelling pretty loudly, "Oh yes!  Oh yes!  Oh god!  Oh YES!  Fuck Yes!  FUCK YES!"  Once she starts getting louder and faster, especially after the "Oh" turns to "Fuck" I can hear Nolan's grunting beginning and then it goes for a few minutes.

And then they're usually finished within about ten minutes, maybe fifteen...  Marisa sometimes winds down, post-coital, with some quieter, but still ecstatic "shit yes, oh shit yes..." On Friday evenings afterwards they often wish each other a Shabbat Shalom (or translated from Hebrew, "peace on the Sabbath," in English (nice that I have neighbors using the Sephardic pronunciation after spending all my time at work with Ashkenazi Jews who use their pronunciation, making me feel I'm losing a little bit of my heritage)).

They make enough noise that I see people stopping and listening at their door sometimes...  And they got started before I got to bed this past Friday night, while I was still brushing my teeth and getting ready, and I could hear their noise coming from the building hallway without even going into the bedroom...

I don't go out of my way to listen or be a voyeur, but our windows are simply that close together and on work nights I go to bed early and get up early...  I hear them loud and clear just going about my normal routines.

Over Memorial Day weekend there was another couple in the building.  I don't know who they were, possibly both were just hanging out with residents and partying.  The man I'm sure was, a Marine with shore leave for Fleet Week, and the girl I don't think was living here either, based on their loud, drunken conversation under my window.  They were making enough noise I could hear the slap of flesh on flesh as they had sex...  And he was enjoying slapping her by hand and asking "you like that, don't you?" and she'd say "yes".

Then there's another couple on another floor who've recently started making some noise.  It's similar but the woman yells out "Oh Baby!" as they work towards a climax.

It's not all fun and games for Nolan and Marisa, however...  At least one night a few weeks ago they came home around midnight, and Marisa was somewhat drunk.  Nolan said "you're all fucked up" to her and then they went to bed.  Then there was a loud *thump* and Nolan cursing at her that she shoved him out of the bed.  He said he was going to the other room, but Marisa said she would go, and then she did.  After they settled down again I heard Nolan say, to nobody but the dark, "I hate this shit."

The only other place I've stayed with such "thin walls" was the Old Palace Lodge in Dunstable, England where Tieto put me up on a couple of two week business trips.  Both times couples stayed in the room next to me.  One of them put on the TV, but if that was intended to mask the sounds of their lovemaking, it didn't really work, because the TV was all tinny and ineffective compared to the rich, full sound of human voices.

Oh well...  Compared to the noises I used to hear in India while trying to sleep, barking dogs, rickshaws, car horns, car backup alerts, yelling watchmen, jackhammers and so forth, the sounds of a couple making love, in pure ecstasy and happiness is much, much more pleasant.  I find myself smiling with a good feeling instead of cursing and swearing.